Writing has always been hard for me and I feel like it gets even harder around this time of the year- a new year. All the things that happened fall upon your lap as you look back to the mistakes, regrets and the beautiful outcome it had in your life.
December has always been one of a really good month for everyone (I'm hoping). You have the holidays where you get to spend time with your loved ones and appreciate all those times you have together and then the time to collect thoughts and memories held within the year.
2015 was a rollercoaster. I don't know if it's just me, but I felt that a lot happened this year that it's quite hard to forget. So many events happened that we know it's going to be talked about again in the future and just the impact of those situations translating to our actions.
I am sitting here at 3 in the morning wondering what there is for me to write. Throughout this winter break I had, I've been meaning to write something special and meaningful, but never got the chance to because no words could express my emotion. Although I am here now, I don't know how well I'm doing.
2015 was a big year not only for me but to many others as well. Within a year, I learned more things about myself than I could've maybe 5 years ago. I found my passion, love and focus. I got to know myself in a way I don't think I even understand and knowing that I'm doing alright makes me feel.... good.
For a few years now, I came to realize and accept that I am very negative towards myself. I am always a positive person towards others but felt the need to pick on my own flaws. Knowing how low I was, I felt the need to give up and believe those thoughts I had towards myself. 2015 is change, it represents change and that's what happened to me.
Coming to high school changed my perspective. It helped me shape myself and shake me out of the internal pain I had. My eyes were re-opened and I found me, a more positive person towards myself and a new perspective.
I always try to think I am a very accepting person of others, but I didn't fully believe myself until this year. Coming from grade 9, I was taught from day one that we define our own success. Of course, I've heard those words many times before, but I never took the time to listen to it. I would pressure myself into perfecting everything even though I know nothing is perfect. I would tell myself things weren't good enough when they were. If I didn't speak to someone who dealt with the same situation as me, I don't think I would be the person I am today.
Having this new perspective changed me for the better. Sometimes I seem careless, but I think that's me stopping myself from stressing out. If I let things go and try my hardest, knowing I put lots of effort into it, that's my success. I don't need to look at others and compare myself to make me feel bad and think that's a motivation. I think that's unhealthy. It's totally fine if someone find other's success their motivation, but I think that's weak. Your motivation shouldn't be based on others and their actions. Your goal should be something for you, focus on you and change your life. If you constantly compare yourself to other people and make yourself feel bad thinking it's okay because that's how you'll improve, that's really unhealthy.
Moving on, this seems weird, but I want to take this time to thank the year. It was a perfect timing for many events. Things felt right to happen in 2015. Even though we live in Canada, it was exciting to hear about the gay marriage rights being legal in all 50 states in the United States. The world came together to celebrate an event happening in one single country. I find that beautiful because it's another step of breaking down those diversity walls (if that makes sense). We are screaming for change and different and we got it in the most beautiful way possible.
Change: something that impacts our lives. Can change be memorable or should it be forgotten? Change in perspective, is it always good or do we need to change that changed perspective? Impact, did it destroy us or did we destroy them?
I'm running out of things to say because this is not something I can finish. It's a continuation of the years before that I didn't write. It's me attempting to reflect the year and how it impacted me. Although, I felt that I didn't touch much on what I originally planned to, it's okay. Thank you all that read my blog and is reading this right now. You are very important to me because you are always there to listen. I hope you had a wonderful year, here's to more.
Farewell 2015, see you soon 2016...