I promised you something in October and I realized that I never got back here.
Drafts over drafts, writing has taken place but no publications made it. Again, things just never felt right or good enough. It's been over a year since I started this whole thing and yet, I can't grab a hold of what I'm trying to do.
Is commitment a problem? Was I lazy? Or was I just running out of things to write about? To answer all of that, I don't really know. Writing has always been something that's constantly there for me and a way to express but I guess it got to the point where the content I wrote was not something good enough to show everyone.
During the times that I was gone, a lot happened and writing about it was too much. There were many times that I wanted to come back here and just write everything I had to say but deep down I knew that it wouldn't work out.
Not gonna lie, it just feels like I'm alone in this journey, writing it all out. No one is really there with me and all the stuff that has been said is just for myself, to look back to of course.
All my life, I've been used to reading about my writing over and over again and having a few of those in my life enter this world. Showing people what I write about, deep or not, is vulnerability. I'm giving part of my life to those that read it and their reaction to it is not something someone can control.
I think that one of the reasons I am able to write this right now (and I'm hoping I post this) is because I thought of blogging again- even if I'm terrible at it. I was going to start all over with another website but trying to pick a name for it set me back. I couldn't let go of Khoutra and I don't think that will ever be possible.
This place, the blog I'm attempted to keep, is mine. Something special and it'll always be Something New. No matter where I take this or what you take out of this whole thing, I really am trying to keep writing. And I will, I'll share my stories, emotions, experience-all of it.
I honestly will be back and I am going to try to write every week. If I don't commit to this, what will I commit to.