Something new. I love those words. Something new, told me that I could change up things in my life that I couldn't before. It meant that I accepted the outcome of something I wouldn't, couldn't or never did before. Something new felt great, it brings joy to my life.
Whenever I start writing, I always think back to where I was or am. I think about my history, past and the future of course. When that pen hits the paper, when my fingers press the keyboard, every emotion, song and thoughts floods through my body. As I try to get my ideas across while my brain tries to process it all, everything can be overwhelming. I constantly tell myself that everything I'm writing doesn't make sense.
Then, I stop because I listened to myself. Wait, wait, wait-what are you writing? Does this actually make sense? Is this something you want to show other people? Read it over now. Wait, wait, wait- what are you writing?
When the last sentence hits the final page, I once again looked at what apparently seems to be my creation. Sometimes I don't see them as writing. I see them as pages, filled with meaningless words.
You can do better than this. DRAFT. No one would be interested. DRAFT. Don't write too long, you're scaring people away. DRAFT. No one understands what you're writing. DRAFT. DRAFT. Draft. draft.
I throw them away and quickly chased them back because I didn't know how to let go. It's a difficult choice to let something go. You create something and treasure it. Even if it was for a few second, minutes, hours, days and so on, you still have a special place for it in your heart no matter what.
Thirteen drafts. Lying beneath the screen there are 13 drafts. Thirteen writings that I pour myself into, but they were not good enough. They are undone, unprepared and just meaningless, but I couldn't drop them.
So I found something new. I love those words. It told me that I could change up things in my life that I tried to cut out. It meant that I accepted the outcome of something I wouldn't, couldn't or never did before. Being able to erase and continue on was important for me to see because I need to overcome that.
Find something new, I told others. Find something new, I couldn't tell myself.