Every second as the days pass by, questions about identity consume my body. Who am I? How do I benefit this world? Will I ever find myself? The answer to those questions are that I don't know. I don't know exactly who I am. I don't know how I will benefit the world. And I definitely don't know if I'll ever find myself (although, I do want to). With my curiosity roaming around, taking quizzes was my solution.
I took four quizzes but only one stood out. Right away, I noticed the title of the quiz being my main question in life-who am I? With the title and all the colourful pictures, I was already intrigued and even more excited to take this quiz. One because I love taking quizzes like this and two, I always learn something new with the results. To answer your non-existing question, yes, I did learn something new, especially about myself.
Looking through my results, I realized that I scored the highest in openness (90% to be exact). To me, that's shocking. "Your high level of openness suggests that you are imaginative, creative, and comfortable with variety and change. But you can also tend towards individualistic behavior and impractical thinking."
Since my results said I'm quite an open person (which I think I'm not), I'll explore more on it. I totally disagree with the comfort with change. I am terrified of change! I don't like change, but at the same time I can't help myself but be drawn to it. When change starts to happen in my life, the first thing I tend to do is freak out. I overthink and somehow drown myself with emotions I didn't know existed inside me.
Opening up, I think is one of the hardest things you can do. Expressing ourselves is hard in general. Every second we stop, every place we visit, every moment we take- we will somehow feel judged, making us close ourselves even more. I apply this to myself all the time, worrying that whatever I have to say, I'll be judged. It's hard not to feel self-conscious because in some point in our lives, we've all felt that.
When I was little, my parents always told me that I was a kid who could never shut her mouth. I was always spilling secrets and I just never knew when to stop. Reflecting to little me and now, really put some perspective in me. Maybe that's why I learned to tone it down. Maybe that's why I'm more careful about who I become friends with. Maybe that's why I learned to trust myself and my family the most. Maybe that's why I'm me.
I'm not the way I use to be and I'm somewhat glad I am who I am today. Being so open at such a young age, it's normal and being open now probably still is too but I grew out of that because I learned that sometimes being too open can hurt you but not opening at all is probably worse. You just need to find the balance point- your balance point.
So now I'm back to asking myself the same question I did before this blog post-who am I? Well, I still can't fully answer that but the best thing I could say is I am me. My name is Chalotorn Khoungrasvongsay and yes this is my actual name. The attendance seems to think it's better if my name was Chaloto (because they couldn't fit just two more letters). I am fifteen and the youngest in my family. I love to write (I don't know if you can tell) and read (even though I don't spend a lot of time doing so). Also, as I'm writing this, my feet are asleep (random thoughts of Chalotorn, everyone)
Anyways, what about you. Who are you?